Tag Archives: stabz

The Letter Opener

Happy seasonal salutation of your choice here!

First, let me offer my sincere apologies for how long it’s taken to get this issue out. If the road to Hell is really paved with good intentions, we’ve got our very own highway.

Those of us in the States – or who have connections or friends in the States – know how hard Mother Nature came down on our hemisphere this year. From hurricanes to wildfires to wind chills of twenty below, it seemed like her wrath would never end – and still does. (And I certainly don’t mean to leave out our friends in other countries! I’m just not as aware of what’s been going on with you.) We’re fortunate that everyone in the ReVo family seems to have weathered their respective storms, but that doesn’t mean we were unaffected. Several members of the ReVolutionary Theory team were either forced to evaculate or left without utilities. Because of that, we decided that, rather than put additional stress and pressure on them to help us fill our regular October issue, we’d delay publication in favour of releasing a supersized December/holiday issue instead.

Even then, that freshly-paved road didn’t offer a smooth ride. Illnesses and upheavals continued to rock our worlds. In the end, we had to settle for giving you what we could when we could, and for the parts that were my fault – and most of the recent ones were – I’m sorry.

So here we are again, back at the end of one year and the beginning of another. The last time we met in this spot, I expressed a hope that a fresh page on the calendar would mean a fresh start, too, but it feels like it’s just been more of the same – and I know I’m not the only one to hold that sentiment.

Where, then, do we go?

I don’t know. I could offer you something empty and pseudo-inspirational like, “Forward,” but to be honest, I’m pretty sure at least some of us only keep going forward because no one’s invented a way to go back (or sideways) yet. So rather than head down yet another path that won’t end up anywhere good, I’ll take the cheater’s way out and just say, “How about into the pages of the new issue?”

Because we do at least have that! No matter how many delays or difficulties we run into along the way, it’s our intention to always be here for you – eventually. We have almost all of our regular features, as well as a couple of Christmas treats that will have you pretending we aren’t actually on January’s soggy, sloggy doorstep!

And on top of that, I’ve got a message for you from our Fearless Leader, Qristal! If you read the ReVo forums regularly, you’re probably already aware of this, but she’s asked me to sneak in a reminder that ReVo’s latest fundraiser, with the goal of purchasing a new and better site server, is still going on. As always, there are some perks and prizes for our donors, so if you’ve been waiting for an opportunity to tell ReVo, “Shut up and take my money!”, head over and check it out!

After this, we’re going to try our best to get back on our standard publishing schedule, which means I’ll see you back here in April, just in time for fuzzy chicks, colourful eggs, and a rash of chocolate rabbits mysteriously missing their ears!

Until then, happy reading!

Happy Anniversary, ReVo!

By Stabz

It’s become a tradition at ReVo to celebrate the anniversary of its founding with a one-night roleplay extravaganza. Over the years, these events have taken numerous forms, from no-holds-barred all-realm crossovers to a field trip to Jurassic Park!

This year, organizers Hippolyta and Veritas decided to try something a little different by doing something (almost) exactly the same! Rather than design a whole new event, they invited us to revisit the Ouroboros Society, a mysterious organization seemingly focused on obtaining eternal life.

If you were among the party that travelled to Society headquarters last year, you might recall that play unfolded through a puzzle-based exploration of an aging mansion. This year’s journey began in much the same way, but quickly spiralled into an experience no one expected and few will forget. The clues revealed through books, phonographs, and close examination of the items in the room led members to believe they had been drawn back to complete a rite not only arcane, but erotic as well.

Through a ritual that mixed pain and pleasure to open an orgiastic pathway into Hell itself, the particpants were able to summon the Whore of Babylon, who permitted them a single question: What did Alistair Crowley seek, and what did you give him? From her response, they learned that he sought knowledge and power of a sort not meant for mortals, and that while she could not grant him that on her own, she could teach him how to reach one who possesses such ability: The author of the Necronomicon, the Mad Arab, Abdul Alhazred himself.

With Crowley now suspected to be in possession of the true Necronomicon, the world may be in great danger. If the words of the Whore can be trusted, the only way to avert the disaster to come may be to acquire a single existing copy of the forbidden tome, transcribed from the original but lost to time and memory. The Whore has left a clue as to its whereabouts – but who will seek it out, and when?

The Letter Opener

By Stabz

We all know by now how I like to start things off with a remark about the seasons! Let’s call it being a creature of habit rather than a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder (or worse yet, uncreative). Whatever I may be, it’s currently summer in the Northern Hemisphere and winter in the Southern, and I’m willing to bet at least a few of us are ready for whatever our opposite is – I know I am! It’s been so bad this year that while the July 2016 issue included a short-shorts story about hunting Pokémon under the blazing sun, there was a day recently that I caught none of the little monsters at all because I couldn’t even make it out the door. The last time that happened, I was laid up with a case of niece-borne strep throat!

Summer brings its own particular set of challenges – while the part of our chatter base that attends (or even teaches) classes may have the extra time that comes with a semester of freedom, the parents among us lose it chasing children who are home, bored, and no more interested in going outside than your friendly neighbourhood Stabz. And even for those who don’t plan on significant schedule changes, there’s always the chance of some unexpected event that ultimately has the same effect.

We’ve had more than a few of the latter in the weeks leading up to this issue. Computer crashes were a major factor, and unfortunately, some of our writers lost both time and work. While we were able to get a last-minute replacement for one of the missing articles, others had to be tabled for introduction at a later date. But never fear – we’re still bringing you the best ReVo has to offer, and we always will! Our regular columns are all right here where they belong, we’ve got recent event coverage, and as a special treat, mouth{JT} was generous enough to let yours truly take over the fiction department this time around! (And yes, it’s exactly what you’d expect from a Stabz-brand story – or is it?)

Remember, too, that even if an event isn’t covered here at ReVolutionary Theory, you can find all the details on the ReVo forums! There’s always something of substance there, whether it’s site news, chatter anouncements, or even just a casual conversation. If you haven’t taken a look recently, now’s the time!

My short-faced dog is whining, panting, and otherwise generally pathetic, and that means it’s time for me to take her on a trip to lying-on-the-tiles town! (Or maybe just boop her down to the basement, where on average, it’s twenty degrees cooler than it is upstairs even with the air conditioner on.) Whatever you’re up to this July, we wish you happy reading, happy roleplaying, and happy climate control, and we’ll see you in October for our happy Halloween edition!

Food Drive

By Stabz

The line for the food bank is longer today. It’s a quarter to six and the windows aren’t even open yet, but there are already a good forty, fifty people ahead of us, and I can’t begin to guess how many behind. I heard the trucks last night, dropping off another load of needy fuckers. They don’t even turn off their engines anymore – it’s just pull up, idle while the gates roll back, and peel out as fast as possible once the last feet hit the ground.

You’d think they’re afraid of us.

Beside me, Janie whimpers, hugging her chest. I know she’s hoping we’ll get a donor meal today. It’s been a while since we’ve had one. They’ve never been easy to come by, but these days, it’s just as likely the bank’ll run out before we even get to the window as that they won’t have any at all.

The fence rattles and a spray of snow hits my sleeve. When I turn to look, there are a pair of boys parked on the other side, their bikes teetering dangerously as they scoop up another handful of the white stuff. Ten? Twelve? It’s hard to tell. They’re bundled up. One cocks an arm, ready to let his arsenal fly, while the other leers and jeers.

“Get a job, ya zom-bums!”

Janie grits her teeth. I start to tell her it’s not worth it, but then I realize that’s not worth it, either. They’re old enough to know better, but still young enough to blindly repeat what they’ve heard their parents say. Lazy, draining our resources, a plague on society; a plague, a plague, a plague. But what do they expect?

Zombies aren’t allowed to work.

I don’t know who first started calling us that, but I guess it makes sense. What do zombies do? Shamble around mindlessly looking for brains. And what do we do?

Well, it depends on when you got infected, and where you are in the course of the disease.

The idea of a zombie virus has been around forever, but not quite like this. For one, we’re not dead – and when we do die? We stay dead. We’re still infectious, though, which is why no one gets buried anymore – no one can prove without a shadow of a doubt that they’re clean, even if they’re not showing symptoms, so it’s straight to the crematorium. No autopsies, no embalming, no funerals. If you’re still on the outside, you might get a memorial service with a portrait and some pretty flowers, though probably not an urn. But in here? No one remembers you. No one wants to remember you, because no one knows what to do.

It’s a prion disorder. The same as mad cow or chronic wasting disease. All it takes is for one protein in your brain to fold the wrong way – the rest copy it like rich girls with new purses, and that’s it. Your grey matter turns to sponge and your sponge turns to mush. But there’s a period in there where some deep animal instinct takes over, screaming brains brains brains, gotta have some brains. As best anyone can figure, it’s like a cat eating grass or a horse licking salt – your body knows it needs something even if your conscious mind doesn’t. In this case, it’s healthy prions, and they’re not even a cure – all they do is stave off the inevitable end that much longer. But when a twitching, staggering lunatic grabs you by the neck and starts trying to pop off your head so they can scoop out your skull like a Saturday morning cereal bowl, well – What are most people going to think?

You don’t have to be bitten to contract it, either. All you need is to come into contact with someone who’s shedding those misfolded prions. That’s the reason for the camps – to keep the sickies separated from the rest of the populace. But it only does so much good. You don’t start showing symptoms right away, and by the time you realize you’ve got a craving for cranium, it’s too late.

There’s a groan from the head of the line, and Janie sobs into her mittens. No donor meals today – it’ll be the canned stuff, sheep or pork or even beef. You wouldn’t find beef brains on anyone else’s plate now, for fear of mad cow, but for us? It doesn’t matter. We’re already there.

It’s not as good, though – and I’m not talking about the taste; I’m talking sheer nutrition. That’s what makes donor meals so important. A human brain needs human prions. It’s no different than any other organ that has to be replaced – sure, you can rig a pig heart or a dialysis machine to get you by for a while, but in the end, you need a transplant from your own kind. The longer you have to go without, the faster you go downhill. So there’s a new box you can tick off when you go to renew your driver’s license – Donate Heart? Lungs? Kidneys? Brain? It’s been harder for people to come to terms with, though, because the brain is so strongly associated with all the things that make you you. It’s one thing to know you’re giving away a lump of cells that’s going to save a life. It’s another to imagine someone shoving your very being into their mouth, knowing that in the long run, it won’t even do any good.

I know, because I didn’t check that box.

It wouldn’t make a difference now if I had.

Janie needs it more than I do, because she’s had the disease longer than I have. It gets a little more obvious every day – a little hollower in the cheeks, a little more white around the eyes; the twitch in your hands that turns them into claws, and the wobble that means you’re finally breaking down. And then it’s just the madness – the blind rage that has you lashing out at everything within reach and some things that aren’t, tearing into whatever your hands hit first, feasting on anything with the slightest scent of blood and meat. After that, they drag you to the heart of the camps, where you and everyone else in the final stages can rip each other apart. They can’t put you down, see, because zombie or not, you’re not an animal. You’re still human, in the most base and pathetic way. So they’ll let you die in your own way, your own time, because somehow that’s more dignified.

Fuck that. Give me a bullet right between the eyes, the way all those good old horror flicks taught you.

We reach the window, where they’re handing out already opened cans for the victims who can’t manage a pop-top anymore, and Janie’s shaking so badly she can barely take hold. What’s in the cans is pale, gelatinous, floating in a grey-tinged soup, and I know that Janie’s going to gag on it, because she does every day. It’s worse when she brings it all the way back up and has to choke it down again because there’s not enough for second servings, though. It’s not even that it’s brains – it’s that it’s an animal’s brain, and she was a goddamn vegan before all this started. She actually does better with the donor meals, because she knows whoever gave it, gave it willingly.

Me, I grew up southern and poor. Momma fed us feet and gizzards and tongue and tripe, and when we had a pig for butchering at the family reunion, someone would whip up liver’n’lights, and to the old folks, that was a feast fit for a king. I guess I ought to be grateful, because the dis- has come right off and now I’ve just got an advantage.

I gotta tell you, though, I envy the vampires down at the blood bank something fierce. Those anemic bastards get a donor meal every damn day.

The Letter Opener

By Stabz

It’s spring! (At least where I am – I know our Southern Hemisphere friends are gearing up for the cold!) And you may not realize it – I didn’t until just now, though I think it was in the back on my mind – but that means it’s been a year since we finalized our format change and published the first issue of the ReVo Periodical as ReVolutionary Theory!

And it’s been a wild ride! We’ve seen team members come, go, and return (and we’re happy to have them back); we’ve held on to classic features and introduced a host of new favourites; and we’ve explored all sorts of new territory – some areas that we found were worth settling on, and others we’ve decided to pull back from until we feel like we’re on firmer ground.

We hope you’ve enjoyed what we’ve brought you so far, and that you’re looking forward to what’s yet to come just as much as we are!

One of our current projects is that we’re streamlining our image creation process, in order to bring the magazine’s overall look in line with ReVo’s. You’ll begin seeing that in this issue – while we’ve held on to some of our past headers, we’ve updated others with static images that you’ll be seeing from here on out. We’re still working out a few kinks in that area, though, so bear with us!

There have been a number of recent staff promotions at ReVo, and while you can read all about them on the forums (if you haven’t already), I would like to take a moment to welcome Yoko not only to the SeNate, but the periodical as well! She’s taken on the monumental task of overseeing “What’s Up, Revo?” – the place where you can find all the latest news on characters, storylines, and other changes straight from room leaders – and has graciously agreed to summzarize that information in a relaunch of the corresponding article.

Remember that while most positions at ReVo are posted only when there’s an opening, writing for ReVolutionary Theory is something you can apply for at any time! If you’re interested, you can find all the pertinent links both on our landing page and at the ReVo forums.

As always, I want to thank everyone on the team, both past and present – while most of you only see the finished product, there’s so much work that goes into getting it to you; from coming up with new ideas, finding writers with the appropriate expertise, producing those perfect pictures, and scrambling to accomodate last-minute changes and unexpected delays. This isn’t a project any one person could do on their own, and while most of my work is put in at the beginning and end, it’s what comes in the middle that gives me anything to work on at all. So if you’re a fan of the ReVolution and you happen to spot one of our writers or designers around the site, why not show them your love, too!

Happy anniversary, ReVolutionary Theory! It’s off to the duck pond with me, but we’ll meet everyone back here in July!

The Letter Opener: January 2017

Happy New Year!

For most of us in the modern western world, that’s what we say to each other not only on January 1st, but for many days after. It’s a custom, and one we might not even think that much about, when it comes right down to it.

The truth is, a new year – no matter when you celebrate it or for what reason – is a purely human construct, one designed to give us hope for the days ahead. Hope that the good times will continue rolling. Hope that things will finally go our way. Hope that this year will be better than the last. We hope because we’re overwhelmed, because we need something to believe in, and we assign a more-or-less arbitrary date to it so that we have a concrete place to stop and take a breath; a place to say, “Okay, this is when it’s all going to turn around.” We hang our hopes on that date like we hung stars on our Christmas trees, and once it gets here – then what?

2016 was a hard year for many of us. We’re all aware, of course, of the string of famous deaths that put stamps and dampers on it right from the start, and the memes that followed. (How many times did you yell, “Damnit, 2016, enough of your bullshit!” while crying over rebroadcasts of Labyrinth and Harry Potter?) But there were hits closer to home, too, and they didn’t stop at the year’s end. ReVo lost two long-standing members in Big Daddy Kev, who passed in December, and Pita/Larysia, who left us just this month.

So now we’re on to the second month of 2017, and wondering if things really are going to be any better, or if the start we’ve had means it’s turning out just as bad. We’ve got deaths and politics and god knows what else looming over the horizon, and we’ve got people who are sad and scared and wondering what rocks are going to fall next.

But you know what else we’ve got?

We’ve got ReVo, and hopefully, we’re going to have it for a long time. Whether you’re here purely for the escape of roleplay, for the family, or for a place to vent, we’re not just happy to have you, we’re grateful for you, too.

Like every issue of ReVolutionary Theory, January’s has not only the features you’ve (hopefully!) come to know and love, but some new surprises as well! Our entire team of writers and artists worked as hard as ever to make sure it would be fully packed when it got to you, but we had some particular standouts this time around in the form of mouth{JT}, who stepped up to provide extra content when others needed a break to deal with their grief, and Care, who whipped up some excellent images on extremely short notice after yours truly made a herping derp.

We’ve said another goodbye as well, as Jordis’ life has taken a turn that requires her undivided attention. We wish her all the best, and look forward to having her rejoin us, whether that’s as part of the periodical team or “just” a chatter.

So whatever lies ahead, remember that ReVo is here for you – not as a place, but as the people who make it what it is. Adventure awaits! And so does the January issue of ReVolutionary Theory. (See what I did there?)

From all of us at the ReVolutionary Theory team, happy roleplaying and happy new year, and we hope it really is one.

The Letter Opener: October 2016

Hellooo, ReVo!

I don’t know about any of you, but fall is my favourite season! I hate the heat and the cold slows things down too much, but like Goldilocks would have said if she’d had four choices (one of which led straight into the worst option; I’m looking at you, spring and summmer), fall is just right – the days are getting shorter, the weather’s cooling off, and best of all, the holidays are almost here!

I’m sure most people hear “Stabz” and think, “Favourite holiday? It’s gotta be Halloween,” but you know, when every day is Halloween, it makes the real thing that much harder! What does someone who wears black lace, pink frills, and light-up cat ears on an already-regular basis do to dress against her ordinary? (I’ll give you a hint – this year, it involves a big red “R”.) I do love the atmosphere in general, though – the costumes, the decorations, the spooky stories; it’s all great by me!

Of course, Halloween isn’t the only event lurking just over the horizon – Canada’s already gotten the jump on Thanksgiving, the US is ready to find out if turkeys can fly, and of course, winter is present-packed with holy days and cultural celebrations! (And let’s not forget Festivus, because what’s a family get-together without the airing of grievances?) With ReVolutionary Theory being a quarterly publication, this issue will take us right on through to January, so it’s got to do its festive duty all season long! Remember that what you see in the front-page slider is just a sample of what we have for you – there’s always more to be enjoyed by clicking the “current Issue” tab in the menu above!

It seems like things are always changing in our office, and this issue is no exception – we’re welcoming an entire new team of newshounds, all of whom did their best to track down the latest and greatest for you! Anarchy, Da Pale One, and Jordis Tyra Nightblade are our rookie writers; our resident holistic beauty expert, halcyon, is stepping up as my RePresentative right hand; and malice is making the leap to SeNator as she adds the role of magazine graphics madwoman to her existing duties! It’s great to have everyone on board, and we’re looking forward to finding out what’s in store.

That’s it for now! I think I still have time to catch a few more Eevees before I’m knee-deep in snow, but if I don’t make it back before the cold times come, then look for an exciting new feature in the next issue: Frostbite Fun (Or What I Did On My ER Vacation)!

The Letter Opener

Oh my! It’s July! And I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m about ready for summer to be over (or maybe I’ll just move to the Southern Hemisphere with the half of you who already have winter). Because when you’re trudging down a gravel road at four in the afternoon, the sun beating down, the earth baked beneath your feet, the houses around you as still as the last siesta, not so much as the chirp of a bird or the buzz of an insect to reassure you there’s life in the world at all – only the tinkle of abandoned wind chimes, the breeze that stirs them so hot you can’t tell the difference between it and the rest of the hundred degree air, your only company the device in your hand, its battery swiftly dying, that swears, really, there are creatures out here somewhere, you just have to find them – suddenly you realize, this is it, this is the Apokélypse –

And then you go find an app that will tell you exactly where the damn things are so you don’t have to walk down a scalding gravel road at four in the afternoon looking for that one last Eevee.

Seriously, though, it is summer in this part of the world, and that means lifestyle shifts for a number of our northern chatters – the kids are out of school, people are going on vacation, and there are just other things to focus on besides role-play. Even if it seems a little slower on the face of the site, though – and you know what? I actually haven’t noticed that at ReVo yet, so we must be doing something to keep you around! – I can promise you that behind the scenes, we’re as busy as ever! You won’t find a “lighter fare” menu in this issue – we still have all the great features you’ve come to know and love already, plus a brand-new spread of columns we hope you’ll like just as much!

But wait! There’s more! If you act now, you get not only the established ReVolutionary Theory features and the new columns, but some returning favourites, too! I’m so happy to be able to announce that we’ve got mouth{JT} back on our team – she’s still working her way back up to a full stats bar, but we’re just glad she’s doing well enough to contribute at all. Check out Confessions of a Drama Queen and our fiction selection “The Intruder” to see what she’s up to!

That’s right – you get an entire issue packed from first page to last with non-stop ReVolutionary action: Reviews, interviews, old friends, new friends, and more, all for the low low price of FREE! with no additional processing or handling fees required! ReVolutionary Theory is just one of the many perks we offer our chatterbase, and it’s one that’s available to all of you, regardless of whether you’re a paid member, a long-term guest, or just stopping by to see how you like the place! Without you, there wouldn’t be a ReVo to make a magazine for, so you’re just as important as the actual magazine team.

And on that note! ReVo currently has staff positions open, and many of them are directly related to magazine production. Applications close August 5th, so if you’re interested, hop over now and check it out!

I think that’s all for now! Happy summer/winter as appropriate, good reading, and I’ll meet you back here in October, just in time for some Halloween fun! And remember – if you have questions, comments, critiques, or suggestions, we’re taking them all at the ReVolutionary Theory Forums!

The Letter Opener

By Stabz

Greetings, salutations, and welcome to ReVolutionary Theory, ReVo’s chatter-oriented in-house magazine!

Spring is in the air, and just like the changing seasons breathe new life into the world, we’re bringing it into the office, too (and not just because we changed the air freshener). For the magazine’s initial run, ReVo was lucky enough to have Miss Mickie on board as editor, and she did a fantastic job – if you haven’t already seen the amazing layouts she put together for the previous issues, really, do make a point of checking them out. She’s stepping back for personal reasons, but we wouldn’t have gotten this far without her, so if you see her around, take a moment to say “Thanks!” for all the hard work she put in for us!

I’m Stabz, and I’ll be taking over the role of editor from here on probably until I fall off a horse and break my neck (so, really, any day now).

But, seriously, I’m very happy to be here with all of you, and I hope you’re going to be as happy with what we’ve got for you!

I’m not the only new set of hands on board – we’ve brought on an entire team of freelance writers to tackle the topics that are hottest for you. Let’s all say hello to Christian, Gabby, Geenky, and Halcyon! They’re already hard at work populating our pages not only with the columns you’ve come to know and love, but some brand-new viewpoints suggested by our readers.

And while it’s always fun to shake things up, a strong foundation is important for landing safely, and to that end, we’re keeping as many members of the original team as we could lasso before they got too far away, too! Being staff members with responsibilities outside the magazine, they may not be able to contribute to every issue, but you can be sure they’re waiting in the wings for their chance to jump back in!

Sadly, we are saying goodbye to Mouth/The Bastard’s Bitch for the moment as well – like Mickie, she’s taking some time to concentrate on herself, but her previous contributions are greatly appreciated, and we’ll be missing her and wishing her the best.

Did I mention that we’re featuring articles that were suggested and requested by the ReVo chatter base? In fact, I did, and in fact, it’s true! And we don’t intend to stop there – we’d love for those ideas to keep coming in! Is there something you’d like us to cover in an upcoming issue? You can drop us a note on ReVo’s Periodical Forum. We welcome feedback in general, too! Got a comment on what we’ve published already? A question? Even a complaint? We’re here for you, and the more you give us, the more we can give back!

That’s all for now! Remember to read – respond – and most importantly, R/Evolve here with us at Roleplay Evolution!